FINDING THE CENTRE

SEA OF PEOPLE

2011-11-06T01:04:00.000+05:30

Videos from my phone again and music by Max Richter from the animated feature film WALTZ WITH BASHIR.
Track name: Andante - Reflection (End Title)

I do not own rights to the music.

Why I don't write as much as I want to...

2011-10-19T01:10:00.001+05:30

Every time I start writing, soon enough I call my own bluff and stop. I can't be dishonest to myself you know. The second I detect pretensions and a lie in my work I seize production (lol... yeah writing is a effin production) immediately. I desperately want o write but I am unable to, only because I recognize the classic lies I tell myself... sad... hopefully I will get over this before I am too old to type... (a problem easily fixable by voice recognition softwares... so another lie... can't say anything without being deceitful... sadness engulfs the girl as she mourns the loss of love, life and the unknown...)

NOT GONNA LIE

2011-09-23T00:41:00.001+05:30

My only thought on 9/11

2011-09-12T19:44:00.004+05:30

The only thing which has stayed with me with the same intensity about 9/11 are the stories of the surviving families of the dead. They are some of the most saddest in the world. And all of those families of the dead would eventually try and remember what was the last thing they said to each other. They think hard, sometimes its not clear, people forget and get confused in the frenzy. A lot of case of PTSD among the beavered families were reported. Sometimes the last words are safe and secure, even recorded on a piece of paper and they make absolutely no sense. The living look for answers from the dead like looking for for a needle in the sand.

My only thought on 9/11 is that what would be my last words to my loved ones. Chances are those words were said in indifference, rudely uttered with impatience. I am sure they wouldn't have been final words worthy in any way. So what I am saying here is that do it today. Take out the time and tell those around you how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Do it today. Don't wait.

2011-09-02T00:33:00.004+05:30

I made this one day when I was very very ill. I had taken a day off of work and found myself with nothing to do at home. The illness, though serious did not send me into a drug induced sleep. Instead I was up and about. In slight discomfort but in full control of my faculties. So I decided to make a music video of one of my current favorite songs - Bonfires by Blue Foundation. The film has been cut on Windows moviemaker. Its a pretty lame video editor (the new windows 7 version really sucks, it has way less features than the earlier editions) but I've got nothing better at the moment.

The images are screenshots (original aspect ratio) from the 2008 independent and open source animated film Sita Sings the Blues, directed by the very talented American cartoonist, animator and free culture activist Nina Paley. It intersperses events from the Ramayana, illustrated conversation between Indian shadow puppets, musical interludes voiced with tracks by Annette Hanshaw and scenes from the artist's own life. The ancient mythological and modern biographical plot are parallel tales, sharing numerous themes. By all means the film is exceptional and breath taking in both its execution and thought. The artwork is strong and well researched, incorporating almost all known styles of Indian folk paintings (shadow puppets from Kerala, Rajasthani Paintings along with the Disney style interpretation of Jasmine to name a few). All in the all the film is a rare gem and perhaps because of Ms. Paley's non profit open source bent of mind has not been able to garner enough world wide publicity as it probably could have were it distributed by a big studio. Regardless, the film is an unforgettable experience that I rate much much higher than say Persepolis.

The Song and Images featured in the Video are not mine in anyway and I do not claim to own the copyright or IP credits for either. Both are featured for non-commercial use.

Song: Blue Foundation: Bonfires
Images: Sita Sings the Blues

Why do anything?

2011-08-19T09:44:00.003+05:30

Why Do anything?

There is no cosmic mandate to do things.

There is no cosmic mandate to change anything or make stuff.

And it is very likely that the world would not be any different

then it is now based on the propensity or strength of the things that you do do.

The Aftermath (Unfinished short story)

2011-08-09T12:26:00.004+05:30

Most days, I don’t even feel like getting out of bed. Once I went for 2 months without getting out of the house or stepping in natural light. For 61 days and 62 nights i sat in front of my computer at home, barely sleeping for a few hours each day, staring into her dark brown eyes and pale white face on the screen.

‘She is not coming back’ my mom said one day. ‘If you are not careful you will turn into one of those people who have a wound inside which never heals. There is a big chance that you may never have a family if you keep going like this’ she said. ‘Who will give me grandchildren? Why do you want me to be unhappy at this age? Haven’t I been through enough already?

Grandchildren? My heart jumped up to my throat... my head is ready to explode and all this selfish man eater can think of is herself? Regretting my thoughts the very next moment, I decided to blow the old lady a kiss. She picked up my rolling stones 40 licks record and threw it at me. I love you ma. But I need to walk at my own pace to come out of this.

SSSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAMMMMM!!! She is out of the room.

I breathe easier but turn on another humidifier anyway. You can't be too careful with people like my mother.

My face is healing just fine. The nose is no longer black and I can see a whole lot better. Madhur... let’s go home... she had said that night. I never saw her again. For the next 6 weeks I drove around town looking for her, begging her friends to tell me where she was. I was met by silence everywhere. They had all turned against me. When she leaves she takes the house down as well. I sighed and went to bed.

When I open my eyes a sudden white light hits me and I am temporarily blind. Mother has pulled up the shades. The room is bathed in sunlight. It’s a dull monsoon day. Everything is very quite. I always leave the television on with the volume on mute. The movie ‘Sixth Sense’ is playing. I close my eyes again and bury my head under the pillow. All that can be heard is the dull humming of the ceiling fan. The spotless white ceramic floor fills the room. On one corner is the floor mattress I am lying on; right opposite it is the television. I sit up and look around for my cigarettes. I light one and walk around the house looking for some water. I find none. I come back and sit on the mattress and open my laptop. I don’t own anymore furniture, so a lot of things are things are lying around the floor, the pattern resembling a Dalmatians coat. There is the hard disk, headphones, my wallet, a hair brush, a newspaper, matchbox, and an extension cord running all the way across the floor to the bed. I count and I find that 5 different wires and cables are running out of my laptop at this point. The ipod is charging, my phone is plugged in for a backup, the hard disk is taking two ports, then there are the mini speakers as well.

Anyway, this is how my horror story started. I knew what her every move meant. What her every look said. Knowing the thoughts inside that dark head of hers were making me more nervous then I had been in a long time. I am usually not faint hearted. I have been known to be pretty brave. But not tonight. Tonight I was a coward... afraid of things to come. You could say it was relatively good news that was coming my way. But I am a fool who doesn’t see a good thing even if it slaps me in the face. Proximity is dangerous. We were two rats caught in a jumble of our own tails. Our lives were so intertwined with each other that the whole thing could be called the biggest mess – the rat king if you will. The whole affair was very distasteful if you ask me.

III – 6 months ago

The entire length of the street, from one end to the other was bathed in the bright orange tungsten of the street lamp. They flung her body from a moving car. It hit the ground with a thud! Then slumppp… it fell face down. The car didn’t stop. It just kept moving away like a sharp slow knife through the dense winter fog. The only light sources were the street lamps. So the streets saw everything, the dumping, slumping and slipping. It cradled her limp lifeless body as she lay there with every bone in her body broken and her eyes filled with blood. The streets heard the first cop car approaching and saw the first paramedic walk in, it felt the first passerby stop… still it was like any other night really. Nothing extraordinary at all.

I had to stop because there was a huge crowd blocking the street turn which would take me home. I slowed to survey the scene. Right under the bridge a girl with blonde hair was lying in a pool of blood; presumably her own. The blood made a moon shaped circle around her head. She looked so peaceful. Nishi’s thoughts went back to his mother immediately. She had long hair, blonde like the dead girls’.

One of the most beautiful things in this world is the aftermath. The aftermath of a chaos is as much a witness to the horrors of the past as it is gentle reminder of what has survived. Almost always there is this mad silence, a silence so strong that it never fails to mark the lives it touches. Like I said, there is an undeniable beauty in aftermath.

I have Longed to move away...

2011-07-25T11:41:00.002+05:30

I have longed to move away…

From this still of the day,

And the dead in the sky.

I have tried to look away

And turn a blind eye.

The constant shor of this city

Has already sucked me dry

The old tales untellable cry

Becoming more tellable as the day goes by.

I feel cheated and ripped off

And hollow inside

As if kicked out and left to die.

I have longed to move away from this dreadful life…

Mecha Dog and Friends

2011-04-21T12:16:00.008+05:30

Forgive the picture quality, its from a phone camera (nokia E71, worst camera ever), I don't have a good camera (weeps)

Mecha: cute stray dog I met at churchgate station, notice the bad ass eye patch. Pirate arrggghh

It was windy: when I took this picture, Goa

Light House

In other news, I cannot write poetry anymore. Not one word, not one line. It comes out all crap!

The YOUTUBE Win Story: One small step for Internet, One giant

2011-03-28T14:55:00.001+05:30

I am a late bloomer. I feel like I discovered youtube a bit late in life. Well, its true that I have been kind of busy. I have been working non-stop for 6 years and I am 26 now. Rather oldish I think. After all it has been 8 years since I was in high school.

Regardless, I started watching youtube (read subscribing) only 7 months ago. One of the first people I discovered was Michael Buckley from the whatthebuckshow. I was immediately smitten. It was perfect. Buck took me to Shane Dawson (He always wore a Shane Dawson Shirt), Shane took me to Fred. Fred to Shane (the 'Fred is Dead' video links the two comedians pretty well with 18,471,495 views), Then there was RWJ, who sent me to mysteryguitarman and the Shaytards. Oh the Shaytard! I came across Charles Trippy and Finally to the vlogbrothers right here. Its been 4 months. I have hungrily viewed almost all videos. I also watch Sexephil, Kassem G, Somegreybloke, AgentXPQ plus the musicians - Daniela Andrade, Mark Beasely, Gia, and ofcourse the very funny and talented Nicepeter. And I am pleased to report to the mothership that mission Youtube is successful! Youtube has slowly but steadily taken over television for me! With so many views and registered subscribers, it a freaking religion.

And the amazing thing is that youtube is not just a platform for creativity, but also a successful new media business story. A lot of people in my part of the world are still vary of technological changes. We are a big population, the stakes are high if you loose or even when you win. But it is more likely that with new media and the internet boom we will win (Even in midst of a billion dollar 3G scam and wikileaks exposé which threatens to take down the Indian government).

Anyway, the biggest surprise is also how self sustaining the youtube community can be because the youtubers, they take care of each other. Never before did linking a url hold more power. Everyone seems to sharing links readily without the malice and unreasonable competitiveness otherwise common in film and television. I guess, in its own way youtube brings good things to life. It brings good people together, it assimilates ironical unions and throws open the gates to freedom of expression. Could there have been a better and more accessible platform on the internet for the Egyptian revolution to simmer, or the constant reportage and commentary on the Libya Crisis? And music, what can I say about the music. Youtube today is the most important space for indie music and other artistic talents (yes Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber), more important and organised than myspace or any other place. moreover there is a strong sense of community in the whole concept and how it operates. Time and again youtubers try their best to give back to the people what the people gave to them. They meet and plot at Vidcon, donate and encourage debate via project for awesome, they meet each other and the audience in playlist live and they analyse and explore their success in the youtube partners project.

The partners project has turned out to be extremely lucrative in the recent times [1]. People have paid off house loans worth 100,000$ with the partners project. Over time people have confessed true love, taught us how to make fake abs, how to dress and do our makeup, invented internet meme, reinvented stand-up comedy, discussed giraffe sex, pranked and played, even dissed Emily Dickenson (do not approve at all), called out on the dullness of life, shown us what loneliness is, helped us through personal problems, all this under one roof.

[2] This is as personalized as entertainment will ever be. Your power to hit subscribe not only helps someone earn a decent living but also completely revolutionizes media. You watch what you want or unsubscribe and leave. The most fabulous thing is that it doesnt cost you a cent. Of course you pay for the exhibition product and the electricity, but you did that with TV as well. If anything you paid for the cable.

If all goes well, and I dont see why it shouldn't - I see amazing things happening. I see the TV replaced by an awesome and more mobile device. The good part is that the chances of this happening in our life time is very good. We will be at the face of a communication revolution like they predicted in the science fiction books. I am also aware that such a dream needs an internet and telecommunication boom first. I live in India, I am a part of a handful of privileged citizens who live in big cities and who have had the good fortune to receive an education. The rest of my country is way far behind. But worry not, there are sparks of change. We will catch up.

The bottom line is that internet as a means of change is undebatable. Things like the google art project are just the tip of the iceberg considering the things to come. I can't wait to be a part of this wave of free distribution of positive information. I can't wait to see how it impacts my country of ruins. I can't wait for internet and youtube to finally do what they are meant to do, to reach schools and colleges in the remotest and poorest parts of country, to bring transparency in reporting and to bring questionable events to the world's notice. I can't wait for the children to learn about a world outside of their own and for the same for the misled and misinformed adults as well.

Anyway I am getting tired of typing and being all serious. So thats all for now.

DFTBA

Articles

[1] http://www.businessinsider.com/meet-the-richest-independent-youtube...

(A bit outdated but gives a pretty accurate idea of who made how much.)

[2] http://www.website-monitoring.com/blog/2010/05/17/youtube-facts-and...

Horrible Children

2010-11-03T14:12:00.005+05:30

What is the most horrible thing you ever did as a child. Children are often mean and thoughtless in their actions and words. So what is the most terrible thing you did as a child? I remember what I once did. It was totally unintentional. But it happened. I was probably no more than 7-8. My mom sent me to the local market to buy cooking oil or was it sugar? I was happily skipping along on my way. I always half ran, half skipped, half jumped when I was little. So I was in the market place. Maybe I had already bought the sugar or the oil, I don't remember. I totally headbutted into a man and he fell over. I did not. He was a typical daily wage laborer, there were lots of them where I lived. He was carrying two bags of flour in his hands, I remember. The bags were cheap polythene kind. They came apart. The flour was everywhere. Before he could get up the cows had come and were feasting on whatever was left of his groceries. I don't recall much of what happened next. The guy came got up and looked about helplessly. I remember his face, it was... I can't quiet describe it. Someone else came around and told me to get along. You can't really yell at or hold a 8 year old responsible for anything I suppose. So I left. It was terrible. It was my fault. He probably hated me. I wanted to cry, because I knew what it meant. It was over 10kg of flour that I had wasted. There was no going back.

I think I ran home and told my mum who was equally disturbed. It was so terrible. I have never forgiven myself for it. He was poor and I wasted his food. We weren't exactly rich, so even as a 8 year old I knew the world of hurt my thoughtlessness had caused. I would have felt better if I was punished. Made to pay for the damages. But I wasn't.

So what is the most horrible thing you ever did as a child? Did you hurt a stranger (like me) or did you hurt a loved one? Do you regret it? Because I regret what i did (though done unknowingly) ...

A certain numbness of the extremities

2010-09-24T01:09:00.003+05:30

Don’t you ever dream this dream – your body is floating on water, in the middle of a deep blue ocean. The sun kisses your faces, your neck, your stomach and your legs. Your eyes are closed and you feel warm outside and see a really red light inside. And then you lift your head and dive inside the water. It hits your body with a cold hard embrace. You swim deeper and desperately try to reach the bottom as if something important awaits you at the end. But you just keep swimming and never reach the end.

This is my second favorite dream.

The dream I love the most goes something like this – I wake up in a dark room, light is coming from next door. It’s natural light. I get off the bed and my bare feet touch the cold floor. From the door I can see some people outside. They are sitting. I take a step inside the door and natural day light hits my eyes. It’s mild and loves me. I open my eyes again and struggle to see. Then out of a body of white I see two dark eyes. They look like they have been causally drawn on a piece of paper and forgotten. Then the eyes become a face. It’s my mother. She is taking an algebra class in our balcony. Behind her I can see the warm afternoon light filter in. I can see the trees in the garden. The green is magical with the yellow and black. I blink and she smiles at me.

That’s it! That is all I remember. It‘s the best dream I have ever had. I have only seen it once but the memory of its feeling has burnt itself into my brain.

Then there is a 3^rd favorite dream also – I sit in the middle of Times Square. Right there in the middle of the road I sit on a chair, licking my ice-cream cone. People come and stop in front of me. They ask for directions. I stop licking my cone and tell them with elaborate hand gestures. Sometimes my arms extend unnaturally (like rubber woman) and point right to the door they are looking for. It’s fascinating. I feel empowered. And the ice cream cone never melts or ends.

Think of something really quick. It can be anything, but let it be a true gut feeling. Don’t cheat. It will be of no use. Now say it out loud.

2010-01-15T21:54:00.003+05:30

I need a fix cause i am going down...

Impressive

2009-05-05T12:50:00.002+05:30

- Very Impressive!!

- whats is?

- Your Stupidity and the way you are protective about it...

Bits and Pieces

2009-03-04T16:59:00.002+05:30

where do you live now?
what color is your house?
My old school and your football ground
and that day of ceaseless rain...
when we stood under the golden tree.
soaking wet.
Cold but calm.
I still remember you in bits and pieces.

The moon smiles on bombay tonight!

2008-12-01T20:41:00.004+05:30

A long time from today, when i am old and wrinkly. Beady eyed and White haired - i will gather whoever will listen and tell them what I saw today:

"All is forgotten suddenly, nothing is remembered either, they all held hands and looked up at the sky - the moon smiles on Bombay tonight! A crazy big smile :) hope baby!! hope!!!!"

I see clearly for a minute... for a moment I hear perfectly what it wants us to hear. On toes... thankful and a bit crazy.

Like I said, when I am old...

एक असीम शोर

2008-11-27T15:17:00.003+05:30

सवाल

वोह कहते है की - "इस स्थिति को देख कर एक सवाल पैदा होता है । "
.... पूर्ण विराम ।
बात ख़त्म ।
कहानी समाप्त ।
" कोई सवाल पैदा नही होता। "

वो जो कोने में
कला सा
दुबला सा
कुछ डरा सा आदमी खड़ा है ...
वो घर जाना चाहता है।
उसे घर जाने दो।

-------------------------

नौ बजे वो घर जाता है...
नौ बजे वो घर में होता है...
उसे नौ बजे घर जाने दो...

-------------------------

एक विस्फोट के शोर में कुछ लोग खो गए...
शायद अन्दर के उस असीम सन्नाटे से बात अभी बाकी थी ।

The Eye

2008-08-29T21:45:00.002+05:30

Dahi Handi 2008

2008-08-24T11:05:00.000+05:30

About: Matters of sleep, etc

2008-07-29T19:50:00.006+05:30

The reason why I came in today to see you was that I was sick and tired, of being here without you. I lugged around a very very heavy bag in the airport and pulled a muscle in my back.

My city is alien to me now, I don't sit around in that book store for hours anymore. I roamed around completely lost. Did nothing constructive other than day dream about us sitting in the sun. Your shadow covering my face from the harsh light.

Its been a long day. Not hard. Just very long. I heard some one talking about autumn the other day and I automatically thought of you, or rather what kind of a tree would you be? I will be a golden shower tree. Dancing quietly in that secret wind that blows only late at night when no one is up. When its just the wind and the tree.

I fall asleep sometimes but mostly I am awake all night. It used to be so beautiful my small town of walls and paper. One day I took a very long walk and lost my way. One day I decided not to come back home.

It was a sleepy town I entered where it was supposed to be calm all the time. I couldn't be. I had ruined everything by giving someone the power to make me disappear.

Father wears a sad look when he is talking to me. Like he has lost some one close. I am a bit confused now. The memory of that past life are muddy like the rain water in front of me. I think I had a happy life. I hurt my lower lip one day. It was swollen. I thought I needed a hot shower.

If you don't sleep then days are long and the night is just the same. Sleepy town was no good. I grabbed my coat and walked around looking for some thing to eat. I need to find a place which would serve a hard boiled egg at 3 in the morning.

AMALTASS

2008-05-28T08:46:00.001+05:30

PURPLE FLOWER TREE

GULMOHAR

AMALTAAS(or The Golden Shower Tree)

The months of march, April ,may and June in the small town where my Nanaji lives alone in a huge house , it is the season when my three favorite flower bearing trees bloom. From the time that I was 7 till 15, i have spent every summer in that big dark, cool house . My mother gave birth to me in that house, in a dark cold room one rainy day in June in 1984. It is the same room where she was born too. This house still has a cowshed, although no cow. The worlds best view from the roof top. And i hated it , from the bottom of my heart. I hated every second , every minute i spent there stuck with my siblings and young cousins, I hated doing the chores, holiday home work, no cable TV...

I would KILL... now to spend one quite summer in the same house. To be the same age again, my cousins as young, my sister equally mean, with the house chores and the holiday homework. I would kill... :(

THIS CHRISTMAS

2007-12-04T13:18:00.000+05:30

A life wasted, an entire lifetime lived asleep.
I always had this silly belief in self
That I was worth more somehow
That I mattered
That I wasn’t the kind that gets lost in the vast M everyday
Every hour
Every minute
The M claims many
That I wasn’t one of them for sure
I was so sure
So God damn sure
Now
A little ashamed
Very busy
Dying slowly
Every day
No coffee
Only cigarettes
No tears of regret
But
A never-ending ache
Bombay
Delhi
Pondicherry
Manali
Tehri
I looked for it
It
Is
Not
Real
It
Does
Not
Exist
I was a fool
Forgive me
If
Possible
Give me the gift of ignorance
Make me
Numb
Cold
Make
It
Easy
Forgive me please
I beg you
Make me
Comfortable
Unthinking
Mute
Cold
Make me
Inconsequential
Like
Cigarettes
Disliked immediately
Yet
Dismissed
As easily.

Missing Children: For the ones who get lost...

2007-08-12T15:01:00.002+05:30

I find missing children, or put better, all lost children come to me and vice versa. I have found (or have they found me) 8 lost children in the last 5 years. that is more than 1 kid per year.

And i find them every where. on bus stops, in airports, on beaches, streets, trains, outside coffee shops, trade fairs, shopping malls, in parks...

Missing Children: For the ones who Leave

2007-08-12T14:46:00.000+05:30

Dear Ms V,

As we drove to the airport at the ungodly hour of 4.45 am in the morning , your father and i chased you in the car , we literally chased you. I bet he has never driven faster.

then you left , gave a bad going away speech to the little one with the camera and when we were coming back and he was dropping another me to the domestic airport , he asked me to lean over and see if i could see your plane in the hanger. I said i could ( i couldn't) and then he looked straight at the road.

Its unfortunate when we grow up. We are all really bad investments. We all want to leave or must leave at one point or the other. You chose to leave. More power to you. I want to leave. More power to me too. But must we? I know you were dying slowly in Delhi and that of all the people in the world you deserved to leave and may you have a fruitful stay. you and i weren't going to cry and we knew it,but even your mother didn't cry like i thought she would, she made friends with your grandma and they sat helplessly on the side. Your Father paced up and down for no reason , the little one and i stuck our faces to the non reflective glass , but couldn't see inside. You were gone... sad... but what the fuck!

Have a good time, study if you can, see the world, own it, win it and then come back. You'll be missed dearly in certain quaters.

2007-05-20T22:45:00.001+05:30

BLOW.

Slow
&
Painful

Your words...
Like a
Wild forest fire...

Today
You are silent
I fall apart...

2007-05-20T22:30:00.000+05:30

DEATH OF AN ALMOST PERSON

2007-04-30T15:47:00.000+05:30

Its been happening all over, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. But it is possible; we are all too self indulgent to notice what has been going around us.

I was reading the newspaper; it was a Wednesday so I was hoping for an Indian express but it was all out, so ended up buying Asian age. Some VHP hooligans beat up this pastor in Jaipur. Just like that. For no apparent reason. But then again can the reason be anymore apparent. Then there was this guy in Gujarat who was killed by some ATS men for allegedly trying to kill Narendra Modi (since when has that become a crime I ask) and then this little girl of 13 in west Bengal was made to dance before middle aged perverts by her own parents. Arjun Singh is F****** with education. 2050 is when south Bombay and the gateway with it may finally see its watery grave. And on top of it all Junior B got married with a vulgar pomp and show (nobody really wanted to know about it as badly as the news channels covered it you know).

It is all going wrong. Every thing is falling apart. The center cannot hold! Save us. I am often disturbed by theses things. To the extent of going into long silences. If you are not, then go to a shrink, there is no excuse for being indifferent towards your environment, also there is no excuse for being disturbed and not doing anything about it and I am guilty of it. Just don’t know what to do. I am just so sick of all this. I hope to grow old in this world, I hope to have children and a family one day, I hope to live on, if not for ever then for as long as I can but not like this and not in this world. I am really a very positive person and I am not given to ranting about vague random shit, but the deal is that this is not vague and neither is it random, it is very clear and precise.

They are getting into our art schools and telling our painters that what they are painting is wrong and throwing them in jails, they are winning all over the country and sadly everyone else is the loser. They are hunting down writers and painters and film makers and photographers! They are killing art and throwing a beach party to celebrate the utter corruption and destruction that they have brought upon us. Its getting harder every day to convince myself that its not all that bad because I know that it is and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I suddenly don’t want to write anymore so there… the point is getting lost, if you find it then keep it safe, maybe bring it to some use, maybe tell other people, or do whatever but do something. Please!

Merry Christmas

2006-12-26T18:53:00.000+05:30

Tum Naa Aaye Toh Har Cheez

2006-11-25T07:02:00.000+05:30

I suddenly miss Delhi a lot. Somehow the same uneasiness in the pit of my stomach from a year back (when I had just moved to Bombay and hated everything and everyone) has been revisiting, me lately. I was going through my computer, on a semi organizing the stuff, semi deleting crap spree and I found a few of the old posters that i had made when
In college. It must be really cold by now in Delhi, the early mornings must be glorious, and people must be wrapped and snug under infinite layers of sweaters. I remember
feeling full with an empty stomach while sitting on a rickshaw ride opposite Laal Quila on a February `afternoon, walking back at 10 in the night from Habitat centre, half numb with cold trying to find a auto to take me home and half numb from fear because of the man following me but so happy and high inside because it was the first time i had seen a Satyajit ray film.

And, and...The Sunday morning picnics when mum packed up lunch andf took us to the district park, i remember playing in the sun till we were sun burnt and our backs hurting . I remember standing in attention under the yellow Amaltaas tree when it would start raining.
I remember. I remember it all

Tum naa Aaye toh har cheez
vahi thi ki jo hai
aasma hadde nazar
raah guzar , raah guzar
sheeshe maye
sheeshe maye
aur ab sheeshe maye , raah guzar
range falak
rang hai dil ka mere khoone jigar hone tak
champai rang kabhi raahte deedar ka rang,
surmai rang hai saahte bezaar ka rang
zard patton ka khaso khaar ka rang
surkh phoolon ka
dehekte hue gulzar ka rang
zeher ka rang lahoo rang
shabe taar ka rang
aasma raah guzar, sheeshe maye sheeshe maye
koi bheega hua daaman
koi dukhti hui rag
koi har lahaza badalta hau aaena hai
ab jo aae ho toh thaharo ki
koi rang , koi rutt, koi shae
ek jagha par thehere
phir se ek baar har chees vahi ho ki jo hai
aasma hadde nazr, raah guzar raah guzar
sheeshe maye , sheeshe maye

2006-10-16T07:04:00.000+05:30

Chote Joote: 5 Pairs for 5 bucks

Bhagyashree & Dhanashree: Happy Together

2006-10-11T13:00:00.000+05:30

I saw the Purple People Eater say-
You and your silly monkey don't even know what we are wageing this war for?
To find the sum of happiness thats what!
I did not know what to say...
I never knew Purple People eaters were deep thinkers too!
I sighed...
Me and the silly monkey ahev always been bad at Maths.

2006-09-24T14:50:00.000+05:30

Sea

Near the beach

Some house or office

Hospital

LOVE

2006-08-27T03:29:00.000+05:30

Its Back!!!!!

2006-08-24T06:53:00.000+05:30

Say No

2006-08-05T15:42:00.000+05:30

Tiny...
little holes in my clothes...
Singed fingertips

Beedy eyes
The smell from old old train compartments

people in charge -against it...
have been fired
New ones appointed

Say No
Say No
Say No
YES?

HELP HELP HELP!!!

2006-05-06T13:27:00.001+05:30

Hi,
We, at Miditech Pvt. Ltd, are making a Documentary Film, for The National Geographic Channel, on the Torrential Rains and resulting Floods that hit the city of Mumbai on the 26th of July 2005. We would like to acquire filmed video footage, still photographs or any information gathered that day by the general public. If we use the footage or photographs, we would pay a nominal fee for the same and acknowledge your contribution to the film.

2006-04-24T14:27:00.000+05:30

NEW

Uski taraf daud

2006-04-23T09:22:00.000+05:30

this was written behind an auto - uski taraf daud!

2006-04-05T00:55:00.000+05:30

Almost

2006-04-03T15:34:00.000+05:30

we are a rare breed...yet we are everywhere...if you are not the one for details , you might never be able to pin point us in a crowd ...but then again even if u r ...u still can't tell us apart from the normal folks...you see you can tell us not by our distinct features or smells...we are like everyone else...one amomg you...but if you are carefull, you will feel us around you and it'll shock you to see so many of us around you and that you had no idea we were here and it is possible that you'll feel cheated and hurt , but then again someone has to , so there. anyway...by 'we' i mean us...the transitory folks...do you get it...we are the ones who are just passing by...passing by lives, cities,jobs...often passing you by...do you get it...really if you don't then don't read on,because it is going to get more weired now...see what i mean is really simple...we all have these people around us, normal people ,they are often our friends, co-workers and possibly someone somewhere even calls us family...these people(us)...wherever they are...they seem to be ready to make the next move...these people...they are always preparing to leave...lives, cities , jobs etc...these people are all around us ...no place is without them , because they are always on the move and it is difficult for them to not be somewhere...so they are everywhere...they are constantly planning their next step...every move is calculated but unkown to them still they always know when it is time to leave...they are good at fooling others when it comes to the lives they lead, the cities they love and jobs that they are good at...they are the kind which is -almost...almost...get it...the almost people...never complete always almost...little sad really...sigh

2006-03-27T09:40:00.000+05:30

Please go here

Sigh

2006-03-02T15:28:00.000+05:30

If only!!
Sigh!
I know!!!
Not possible!
But if only?
Sigh...

Intolerable Cruelty...
i know...
was a bad/strange/absurd/good film
but this/love/wish/fate is worse!!

2006-02-24T01:36:00.000+05:30

I blame the cold!!
With reference to your post let me tell u why I think it might be the cold that was making u all...Anyway I could have left a comment on your post , but decide against it, I think I wouldn’t have been able to do justice to it ,i.e., to say I wouldn’t have been able to answer you the way I wanted.

I was taking the last train home and the saddest man in the world that night was sitting across from me(somehow reminding me of him). Unimaginably beautiful in his misery, so much so that I wanted to go over to him take him in my warm embrace maybe shower his face with little kisses, no don't get me wrong, there was hardly anything sexual there, I just wanted to take him in my arms and never let go, because in that man I saw what others now and then have seen in me, and it shocked and appalled me. I felt as if I had been giving away too much about myself. I had no idea what made him so so so sad, but whatever it was I knew I could understand. Bandra came and the man was gone. After that I got thinking about a few things I had been trying hard to push at the back of my head. Like, like cruelty, I am getting more and more cruel everyday,, I am turning my eyes from the wrong conveniently and am reading the newspapers and not hating them as much for their sheer politics in everything , I am feeding a street dog but thinking twice about getting it the 200 buck rabies injection , not because it’ll cost me the money but because I’ll have to take out the time to take it to a vet.

What I mean is don't u remember being happy at little things like diwali, birthdays, Sunday, a good book, flowers, the park, slides, swings, new cloths, summer holidays and ice-creams.
tamam umr ka hisaab jab yeh zindagi mangegi toh khalli haathon ke siva aur kya dihkao-ge
i am making little sense , so i'll stop here...God Bless U!

I was Tagged!

2006-02-18T01:09:00.000+05:30

List 8 Different points about your perfect lover

-must make me laugh and laugh at all my jokes and indulge my absurd humour(if know me then you'll understand how important this one point is)
-must be kind to all , because i am sometimes cruel
-must love all animals including cats(because i hate cats and someone must teach me to love them)
-and as long we r makeing a wish list, let me wish for unconditional love which i am sure coveres pretty much everything else...

i am not even going to mention 'good in bed' kind of things , because even if he is not ,we can perfect the act together !

so this is it ,a little less then the required number ,but what the hell who cares! i tag : soumik & aanchal

GOOD ADVICE

2006-02-06T09:19:00.000+05:30

think of all the nice things...buttercups and balloons n babies gurguling n puppies sleeping n ...and watching a great film n reading a fantastic book n taking a great photo n...being high n being with friends n...knowing that happinessisn't permanent n that sometimes u feel shity for whatever reasons, or maybe for no reason, but it always gets alright. always, always does!
-AANCHAL TYAGI

2006-02-02T14:45:00.000+05:30

NA UDAA YOON THOKAROON SE
MERI KHAAK-E-KABR ZALIM
YEH-HI EK REH GAYI HAI
MERE PYAR KI NISHAANI

Faasle aise bhi honge kabhi socha na tha,
Saamne baitha tha mere aur woh mera na tha,

Raat bhar kitni si aahat kaan mein aati rahi,
Jhank ke dekha gali mein koi bhi aaya na tha,

Woh to khushboo ki tarah faila tha mere charsu,
Mein us-e mehsoos kar sakta tha, Choo sakta na tha,

Yaad kar ke aur bhi taklif hoti thi,
Bhul jaane ke siva aab koi bhi chara na tha.

-ALIM HASHIM

2006-01-19T13:45:00.000+05:30

Nidhi came down to Bombay, so we went towards town and saw 15 Park Avenue and I took these ...am extremely happy with the Last two :)

There was this Victoria in the middle of the street!Opposite VT!!

Opposite Bade Miyan,Colaba

2006-01-13T13:39:00.000+05:30

You said, "I will go to another land, I will go to another sea.
Another city will be found, a better one than this.
Every effort of mine is a condemnation of fate;
and my heart is -- like a corpse -- buried.
How long will my mind remain in this wasteland.
Wherever I turn my eyes, wherever I may look
I see black ruins of my life here,
where I spent so many years destroying and wasting."

You will find no new lands, you will find no other seas.
The city will follow you. You will roam the same
streets. And you will age in the same neighborhoods;
and you will grow gray in these same houses.
Always you will arrive in this city. Do not hope for any other --
There is no ship for you, there is no road.
As you have destroyed your life here
in this little corner, you have ruined it in the entire world.

Constantine P. Cavafy (1910)

2006-01-09T14:04:00.000+05:30

It happens to me sometimes . Not often ,thank god for that , that i want to stop every thing and every body and i do i t, it not pretty , it can't be. But I do it . i
must be making very little sense . But who cares , i don't .So there.

i feel small. i am just 21...The youngest at work, can u beat that . in a office of more then 50 people i am the youngest . But that's not what i am saying.

The buildings in Bombay (not mumbai, never mumbai)are very tall u see , they r all new , with these two sided mirrors, behind which people stand with coffee mugs and stare at the traffic below or look up at the sky , often straight at the sun , unblinking. But that's not what i am saying either.

But that when i was very young i was afraid i would never be able to read , i would cry and beg my mother to teach me how. But then i was actually little , i just was , i didn't feel it , but that's the way it was . But what i am infact saying is that , when i left home one day , i didn't want to come back .i was changing trains from dadar and i knew what was wrong and that it couldn't be undone every thing felt so small , the trains , the tall buildings and the mountain double deckers , all making me squirm in my smallness....tiny people everywhere , in their tiny little spaces .

From the roof top of my office i can see the whole of Bombay glowing back at me. But that's not what i am trying to say at all.You see i love the office copier,and the printer...the paper is so warm when i pull it out.secretly i hold it against my cheek ,publicly i can do little more than roll it under my sleeve,its like a warm hand holding on to mine .the office roof is a daily preparations ground for the battles fought and won inside. in the morning it is full of the war debris and the bullets and baby missiles in the form of cigarette butts .

there is this ceaseless chaos everywhere. everyone is busy and important and big .

don't get me wrong . i have nothing against the city , infact i think i may be in love with it.actually i am sure that i am . Tonight as i was listening to Elvis on the train i knew for sure but to have to look on and listen to people lying,being shallow ,mean, cruel ,selfish and stupidly self centered and so so small.

2006-01-01T00:55:00.000+05:30

Birthday Poem for aanchal

2005-12-22T12:59:00.000+05:30

Cat lover
Cheap thrills seeker
Lazy
dirty
live-in-a hole person
saree thief
magical Witch
Lovely thin Leaf
Jumped over one sea and 5 states
cold and alone in the trains and almost robbed in Mathura
please do open ur door
though uninvited...
i am here for the party this saturday

Also,Happy Birthday!!!

Sitting,waiting,wishing

2005-12-17T15:23:00.000+05:30

Reading:Maximum Cities,Suketu Mehta

Listening:Virginia Moon-Foo Fighters
Sitting,waiting,wishing-Jack Johnson

Watching:Some Mike Binder film(gawd! i hate this guy...he makes me afraid of getting
married)

Got a day off after weeks of being overwokred and underpaid and being cheated out of my raise(alright so i did get it , but where is the 4K u still owe me sheetal!!!)
Woke up at 12,yelled at an empty house for Food...no answer ,Called boss abt the alleged meeting at 3.Meeting cancelled!Yay!Went back to sleep ,woke up again at 2 and poked around inside the fridge to find several oranges , tomatoes ,ketchup,butter and not much else.Discovered pasta...tried to cook...turned out lumpy and half cooked...absolutely inedible! Alas!icecream in the freezer...been thr so long tht it tasted of the cardboard carton it comes in...after the failed attempt at cooking went back to sleep again...woke up at 6.45pm...so much for insomnia eh arindam(also managed to thoroughly embarrass arindam...although he won't admit it)!

Oranges and cornflakes and pink floyd for dinner...

REVIEW-A GOOD DAY!

2005-12-16T14:40:00.000+05:30

2005-12-10T11:45:00.000+05:30

2005-12-07T12:35:00.000+05:30

There is this organized disorder surrounding me these days -I am ripping up cloths (not on purpose), breaking everything delicate,stubbing my tow and getting mysterious bruises all over my body, deleting necessary files, pissing off important people,not reaching for work on time (on purpose),reading too little,spending too much,not returning calls,ignoring friends,not taking any pictures at all and worst of all working so much that i have forgotten all about my master plan to GET THE HELL OUT!!!

Can it really be that i am getting used to all this bullshit ??Can it be that i am giving in??And horror of all horrors am I going to be one of them now?

But last night 5 minutes before i fell asleep, a thought suddenly hit me and i have been ZEN incarnate since...aah...love the freedom of the mind ,the ceaseless flight of the imagination...i can just close my eyes and see it all.

Thank you Ms.V...your quiet desperation is mine too .
your frustration is my cure ,maybe yours too.

2005-12-06T14:09:00.000+05:30

i just have one request ,plz click on this link here and listen to Faiz's tum Na aaye ho toh har cheez...
HAJI ALI, BOMABY

Dahi Handi,Thane

VT,Bombay

2005-11-23T13:20:00.000+05:30

There shall be no more poetry on this blog....no more I say

some say it has moved here-Lock , Stock and two pretty smokin barrels!!!

2005-11-20T02:39:00.000+05:30

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

2005-11-13T13:09:00.000+05:30

She reads those odd words again and again,
everyday
for the past week
the book bends towards
an end between dadar and andheri

Now thread bare in her memory
the skeleton of her favourite poem
the one about the dream and the heat and the three legged giraffe
hangs loosely around her lips
as if ready to break free

Churchgate!Dariyaganj!
Yes!!
and that nightly Sinatra,
also the early morning train to work
and the blue blue cabs
and who can forget the occasional high by the sea

Yes!
all this will keep her here.
all this and much more...
Love will grow with time...
her mother tells her.

But Alas!
the midnight mussorie from her window
is only a daylight slum...
she says,
i am loosing hope everyday,
as if hope was a little girl in a crowd, or a forgotten book in a train

2005-11-11T14:36:00.000+05:30

I love this blog.
The writer's name reminds me of a time ,not long ago in north campus and a plate of Hot Steaming...

Kedarnath Singh

2005-11-07T02:29:00.000+05:30

2005-11-07T01:28:00.000+05:30

Mid night blue, Fun Republic,Andheri

Breach Candy,Bombay City

Dahi Handi,Thane

Gateway of India

2005-11-05T10:53:00.000+05:30

2005-11-03T02:17:00.000+05:30

Bombay after Dom

is like

the ghostly memory that Shimla is after Nirmal

All my people leave one by one,

I weep ,

Alone

For all my old lovers,

for guilty memories

of a home left behind in arrogance .

I smoke under the

No smoking sign in my office staircase

8^th floor all mine.

Later as I knife my way

Through the midnight crowd,

and sit on the floor

chatting with the usual iron women,

for a second the sea stands still …

I look out of the train window into the darkness

'Something has changed' -the women whisper in my ears

I smile…

and don’t even know that

Somewhere in Delhi Amrita Pritam is dead.

2005-11-01T05:18:00.000+05:30

THE SEA

THE TAJ AND THE DOG

2005-11-01T05:14:00.000+05:30

Gateway of India

TOWN CAB

2005-10-30T04:23:00.000+05:30

flowers from DADAR

2005-10-29T15:59:00.000+05:30

2005-10-29T07:50:00.000+05:30

nirmal verma is dead ...
... the red tin roof comes crumbling down

someday : at cafe mondegar

2005-10-29T06:48:00.000+05:30

-why is it that you(Ms.D) take me to all the expensive places and when i squirm while paying 60 bucks for 3 pieces of bread u call me cheap??? am i cheap or are u stupid???
-the witch from delhi, the one with a evil cat and magical lies calls me up at odd hrs and demands explainations for non exixtant love interests.
-i can see bombay from my office window when i eat my lunch .
-i no longer wish to work .(i.e, ever again)
-i am only happy when i take picture
-i have not read a single book since i started working...

NOTE:This information is of absolutely no use to anyone in the world , so kindly ignore it.

The thing about bombay is that...

2005-10-04T09:41:00.000+05:30

...i dove into the ocean and found it empty...

RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE

2005-09-03T04:13:00.000+05:30

i want to beat the abusers of the college group ID with a stick...and some how in a twisted way blame aanchal ,although she has nothing to do with it! aanchal plz start a exclusive parallel group...i have had enough of these: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Cutest baby pics...

2005-08-29T02:07:00.000+05:30

me- ugh...
Delhi guy faking a mumbaikar-why ugh?
me-eeh
d.g.f.m-watever it is get over it!

-i don't want to ...shld i jump into this crocodile pond

d.g.f.m-this is no pond...we call it a swimming pool here
-big difference
d.g.f.m-huge
-maybe i can go swimming with them
d.g.f.m-u can't swim
-sure i can!
d.g.f.m-no u cannot
-uuughh...maybe i can pretend to swim...u know...trick the crocs
d.g.f.m-u cannot pretend to swim if u don't know hoiw to...we call it drowning
-who is this weee that u talk about
d.g.f.m-its us
- I saw jackass on TV
d.g.f.m-its us ...u know
-I liked it ....although it iwas kinda anal...literally
d.g.f.m-well...u see by we , i mean
-This guy had a toy car up his A**
d.g.f.m-you know i met someone with your name...i waas shocked
-sure...its not mine to keep
d.g.f.m-wat?
-the name....I miss delhi
d.g.f.m-okay...anyway i was shocked
-why ....uggghhh....don't tell me
d.g.f.m-well u see... i never expected anyone else to have this name!
-sure...its not my fault u r anti social and kinda of a Jacka** urself
d.g.f.m-wat has that got to do with it?
-one day....one day my son i shall unravel that mysteries of the world to u ...till then......i miss delhi , i wanna go back
d.g.f.m-don't go there again
- i havent ...as yet
d.g.f.m-u know wat i mean
-i don't
d.g.f.m-i am going
-lets go to delhi
d.g.f.m-bye
-i can afford seecond class non ac...
d.g.f.m-i am not going anywhere
-but delhi
d.g.f.m-shut up
-del
d.g.f.m-shut!
-de
d.g.f.m-shh
-d
d.g.f.m-now that was a terrrible film!!!
me-I dreamt i was the catcher in the rye!
d.g.f.m-catcer in the rye and jackass are a lethal combo
me-so u actually hear wat i say????
d.g.f.m-i hear all ....i know alll
me: like big brother
d.g.f.m:get over this american reality TV shit...
me: actually i think big brother was swedish
d.g.f.m-sure
me-drop me home
-no
me-bloody boka c*****
-now i want to!!
-great
-i am going to town
-drop me first
-no
-u know i read that town boys like suburban girls
-so
-so i am a suburban girl
- no u r a delhi girl
-hmmm
D.G.F.M-okay i'll drop you....

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO AANCHAL TYAGI,VIKRAM KOLAH AND PARTLY PADMINI VAIDYANATHAN WHO TRIGGERED THE DELHI MANIA WITH A 5 WORD SMS!

2005-08-26T05:40:00.000+05:30

Please Read THIS....

2005-08-17T03:44:00.000+05:30

I saw the last show of Mangal Pandey at Fame Adlabs Kanjurmarg ( the old Huma Heena is now a multiplex) a couple of days back. I didn't really want to see it ,but according to my self made policy of watching all films ....Good and bad alike I forced myself to go through it...

So the film is bad , I guess this was expected...It told me nothing I didn't know from the NCERT books back in school (also,Capt. Gordon was Scottish not English!)...Amir Khan was wasted and some say that Amisha Patel would have been better off had she stayed under Toby's bed and made a successful life out of being a house cat (okay i amt he one who says this...but those of us who have seen the film will appreciate the joke),rather than the irritating damsel in distress...and Toby...aaah...golden dialogues -"Ise chod doh!"...

Anyway, my leg is better ...I have been walking for 4 days now...still no job...but i am cool about it (it is not as if i have actually tried getting one!)

Also...I read the 8 books in the last week ...namely-
1.What not to do at IIT( it is a terrible book...what a waste of paper and ink and precious publishers money...did they not read it carefully...bhagat is such a juvenile jackass ...i read somewere that he thinks his book is a -if holden had stayed in school-catcher in the rye thing...aaaaaaaaarrrrgh!)
2.Memoirs of a geisha(somehow i never got arround to reading it even though i had a copy with me for the longest time)
3.catcher in the rye(again)-u see i didn't own a copy and i finally bought one for 10 bucks
4.Amartya sen's essay on developmental econimics in 3rd world countrys (courtsey-TISS lib.aka.Nomi)
5.raktakarabi (again)
6.Digital fortress(why ?why ...i ask my self???)
7. Thud ( Pratchett, terry)
8. Of Human Bondage, ( Somerset Maugham-lovely)

what not to do at iit made me almost as mad as mangal pandey ...anyway had a great weekend with mum at gateway of india ,which i kept referring to as india gate and made the taxiwallas mad and mum irritated...nevertheless i took some great pictures ...

i am having a good time and just dread to think of the day when I might accidently land a job!

2005-08-09T03:04:00.000+05:30

I bought a camera ...I bought a camera ..Yes I did ....I have a camera now...Although no internet....But a camera I have !!!!! I live again and this time the surge of hope is not borrowed but bought( that didn't come out the way I wanted it to....But I have a camera who cares!!!)

The sad news is that I have hurt my leg badly .....It is swollen and I can't really walk , so I am stuck at home and have photographed every inch of it ...What ever I can see from the windows..( I feel like Amal...From Tagore's post office...But I probably deserve to die more than that poor kid)

Bombay is not all that bad after all...although it does suck without a doubt when compared to Delhi...
But it is alright and I may just get by....
I love the trains...they are fast and are your best bet to reach on time...
The people are so crude that it is almost cute and yes...
thr are books at churchgate and LPs at chor bazar
and then there is the sea...what can i say about the sea ...u know..if u don't look down at the filthy beach , u can have a good time ....

i was alone for almost 5 days( as I dropped my mum at bombay central I was overcome by the sinking feeling called loneliness.....but i got over it) I single handedly lived what one might call a happy life...

I took the train at hours when there are not more than 5 people in the compartment and returned as late as 12 at night with no pervert following me home and no auto drivers staring at me...but then tragedy struck and I ended up crippled and had to call ruchi over , who laughed at me , called me a blood sucking unemployed crip( aah... the comfort her familiar slander brings}...and said that I was faking the pain so i can be waited on by people ( that is partly true but i am hurt pretty bad}...

So,
No Job
No social life , so to speak
No friends(the bastards in bombay r either working or studying)
No new booksNo mobility( refer to para 2 of this post)
No new music

BUT,
A Camera-YESSSSSSS
An Old ,very old Chomsky -YESS
Television-YES
Beach-YES
Trains at 11.30-Indeed

So my days of being miserable are few, I am not really into looking for a job right now( nomi told me not to be a freak about the job thing as i am only 21 and will probably not be taking over the television industry in india till i am 25...soooo, i am cool on that front}...once I am on my feet again( literally) i am going to take my new camera out and have a good time with bombay and maybe goa too ....

AFTERTHOUGHT: I was thinking about it and i think i must tell aanchal something--I am sorry! u'll probly never know why but i am sorry anyway...

2005-08-06T05:39:00.000+05:30

Tum jab kal vapas laut ke aaoge,
toh dopahar ki dhoop mein mujhe soota paoge
socho-ge main ab tumhari raah nahin dekhti...

Aashcharya aur asahaay vedna se chaati fat-ti se maloom hogi,

Garmi se gussaye tum kadam peeche kheenchte...
aapni gandh,
apna ahsaas
aur kitabon wala woh baksa le ,
shaam ki baarish mein ghhul jaoo-ge.

Per apni gaheri neeli vedna jaise tum mujh per jhatak se jaoge,

Tab meri aankh khulegi ,
takiye mein muh choopa-ye ,
yahi soocha karoongi,
ke hamaare aur tumhaare beech,
yeh din
raat,
subho
-shaam,
samay,
gaadiyan,
kitaaben ,
ped
dhuaan ,
chand geele kagaz ke tukde
aur yeh gahri kaali neelima kab se aa gayi...

GIVE ME A JOB

2005-08-03T06:43:00.000+05:30

i want a job....i demand one...i can edit on FCP-4.5, Adobe premier-6.5 and the rest of them too...i have used PD170,150,VX2000 and DSR-370P...also i have made 3 documntaries ( directed,edited and shot)...so give me a job...do it!

2005-07-31T15:59:00.000+05:30

din khaalee khaalee bartan hai,
aaur raat hain jaise andhaa kuwaan
in soonee andheree aakhon mein,
aasoo kee jagah aataa hain dhuaan
jeene kee wajah to koee nahee,
marane kaa bahaanaa dhoondhataa hai

in umar se lambee sadakon ko,
manzil pe pahuchate dekhaa nahee
bas daudatee, firatee rahatee hai,
hum ne to thhaharate dekhaa nahee
is ajanabee se shahar mein, jaanaa pahachaanaa dhoondhataa hai...

2005-07-26T04:13:00.000+05:30

A jabbering monkey,
one rough haired boy of ten,
and a golden-brown and red bear
all in one...
The saddest trick I ever saw
was that there was no sign of the thaw
which must have set in 2 scores and 5 years ago...
Disintegration of the circus family is evident,
every time the boy of ten touches his steel wool hair.
Oh ! I meant steel cold stare...

FOR A CITY LEFT BEHIND AND PEOPLE WHO WILL NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN

2005-07-19T08:13:00.000+05:30

We shall meet again ,in Petersburg...
-OSIP MANDELSTAM

We shall meet again in Shrinagar, as if we had buried the sun there...( Agaha Shahid Ali)

We shall meet again ,in Bombay ...
as if we'll find magical new lives there

We shall meet someday by the beach
the clean one...
as if a wave will wash away all our past

We shall bump into each other in the crowds of VT
as if catching the last train is our last chance at a dream life

We shall meet again in mumbai
as if calling it Bombay will make it a Delhi...

here u go Arindam

2005-07-16T12:55:00.000+05:30

Arindam has tagged me...so i answer the silly questionnaire....arindam!!! send me the book tag man! anyway...i will answer

1.Three names I go by:

1) Anvita ( with derivatives like anvit and anvi....ugh!)
2) Richa
3) Durgesh nandini( okay my nanaji gave me this name)

Three Screen Names:

1) Anvita
2) anvita
3) anvita

Three things I like about myself:

1) I make an excellent unemployed bum
2) I am excellent drunk who doesn't drink
3) I think i can write a book someday ( no one else does ...so the self belief is pretty amazing)

Three things I don't like about myself:

1) Getting pissed off quickly with people who act/are stupid.(actally i kinda like tht about myself)
2) I am indifferent sometimes tot he extent tht people thnk me rude
3) Getting bored rather fast.

Three things that scare me:

1) I may never write a book
2) that true love is not for me...
3) Someone will steal my books

Three essentials:

1) Books
2) the need to write
3) money to travel and to print photographs

Three things I like in the opposite sex:

1) brains
2) killer wit( haha...)
3) occassional nice butts

Three things that I want to do badly now:

1) Buy a camera of my own
2) get a job and mitao the kalank of unemployement from my matha
3) Hit the sack with the sexiest man alive (Abhishek, where are you?)

Three careers I am considering right now:

1) Photographer/cameraman type person
2) A writer.
3) a very very poor documentary film maker ( financially i mean)

Three places I'd love to go on vacation:

1) Mausinram
2) Cairo
3) Iceland( jimmy fisher is there)

Three kids' names I like (Why?):

1) i can't give away my kid names becoz people steal them!!!!
2) i can't give away my kid names becoz people steal them!!!!
3) i can't give away my kid names becoz people steal them!!!!

Three things to do before dying:

1) write a novel
2) make a film
3) truely love someone

Three people who get to take this wonderful( ugh...arindam!!) quiz (!!!):

1) Aanchal
2) Eastman
Anyone else who wants to...

I AM BILL

2005-07-10T10:53:00.000+05:30

i know this is getting really irritating now...but lets just blame samit basu and get on with things...anyway...I AM BILL...and damn proud of it too, u got a problem with that??

You are Bill! You have some grudge issues, but
other than that, you have some deep emotion and
crazy martial arts skill. I'd be scared of you
if I passed you on the street.

Which Kill Bill Character Are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

this can't be good!!

2005-07-10T07:01:00.000+05:30

You are Dogbert.
You are Dilbert's dog, but he's your bitch. You
play him around like a puppy. You consider
humans to be inferior and habor plans to take
over the world and enslave them.

Which Dilbert character are you ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Captain Barbossa

Pirates of the Caribbean - Which character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are 80% Gemini

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii @#$%?!!

Anne Rice is writing your life. Go you goth girl,
go.
Which Author's Fiction are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

ALSO....

you are THE DRAGON! you're often misunderstood, but
are actually quite flirtatious and romantic

what shrek character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-07-10T00:07:00.000+05:30

HOWRAH ON MY WALL

2005-07-09T03:51:00.000+05:30

Somewhere in Rajasthan...it was very early in the morning to
ask anyone and I was half hanging out of the train door...there is
nothing like the feeling of wind in your hair and the rain blinding your
eyes and yes ...the occassional tea vendor begging you to step back...

2005-07-09T03:43:00.000+05:30

A glimpse of Ruchi , MG road-Pune

2005-07-09T03:40:00.000+05:30

INOX, Barista -Pune

2005-07-08T00:03:00.000+05:30

I just have a lot of time on my hands right now...

2005-07-08T00:00:00.000+05:30

2005-07-06T05:00:00.000+05:30

2005-07-06T04:51:00.000+05:30

Had a terrible time in pune, the FTII interview went on for a whole hour ( i am told ppl were contemplating knocking the door down)!

We stayed in a lovely house in Boat Club Road ( with a Zabbit at that).

Is everyone rich in pune??? Where do the poor live and where do all the scooters seem to be going???

SAW SARKAR TWICE!! I bow my head before RGV , AMIT ROY for cinematography and the lighting guys( also Allan Ameen for action...)...i also saw WAR OF THE WORLDS!

Took the Volvo to B'bay( froze my ass off)...than the Rajdhani to Delhi, and now I am finally back home!only to go back again, this time for good . Have lots of shopping/packing/moving to do.

The only joy in my life is the cybershot, which I have to return in a few days.
Took it with me on the trip and like an ass forgot to take the USB along...so shoot and delete( the unnecessary) it was...have atleast 20 decent pictures out of the 238...

Also...
-- amma was trying to take away my jeans for a wash( it has been 2 months since it was last washed) as i slept( that sly creature)...Suddenly i hear a faint scream ... the door flew open..."PIGGG" she says , i go "HEH ...wats that ma???"u absolute pig..."she says again...( she is getting more and more like my sister these days..that abusive B*tch, i mean my sister)..."empty ur jeans pockets urself from now on..."..."now why are u trying to wash it ma...? leave me alone!hahaha( i laugh with my head buried in my pillow)"...she musters a "pigg" again under her breath and leaves...

Noxious contents of the pocket were:
1. a Bloody bandaid ( i think that did it)
2. Several soggy bus tickets
3. A feather( somebody gave it to me okay!)
4. A soiled/ moist /torn 10 buck note
5. Soiled napkins from at least 3 different places I had eaten at...

2005-07-06T04:04:00.000+05:30

MG road , Pune

2005-06-28T15:45:00.000+05:30

2005-06-26T07:29:00.000+05:30

The cybershot is back with me yet another time...this time for a much longer period and all is well with the world again :)...

2005-06-23T13:29:00.000+05:30

" there is nothing I can learn from you , that i can't read in a fucking book...unless you want me to know you...unless we talk about your life. But you won't do that. Maybe you're afraid of what you might say..." Robin Williams says these lines to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.

Also

" You say you live with the threat of my extinction...well then I live with that threat too..." Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf to Stephen Dillane playing Leonard Woolf in The Hours.

2005-06-22T11:58:00.000+05:30

Look.
At the
moon.

It
shines.
So bright .
In
your
eye.

I
almost
Spill
My Coffee.

The Burn.
Must .
Distract
me.

The whole world is growing smaller everyday

2005-06-15T14:08:00.000+05:30

He has the feeling that merely by being alive he is blocking his own way .
From this sense of hindrance , in turn he decides the proof that he is alive.
-Kafka

Also

The bone of his forehead obstructs the way ; he knocks himself bloody against his own forehead.
-Kafka

And that

" men of your type will soon become extinct.You'll become something worse than dead. You'll become a legend."
-Alphaville( Godard)

Coughing Kafka

2005-06-15T14:02:00.000+05:30

I was on the beach with Nomi and I felt my self sinking...it was almost as if the sea and the sand were conspiring to take me back.Not yet . Not yet , I said. Wait till I bring her here and then you may decide which one of us deserves to go with you or which one of us you have always wanted , I hissed. The wind hissed back and my jeans were soaked with sand .To argue with the sea is never easy. But almost all of us have tried it, even Rubu with his secret messages for secret people in match boxes thrown in the waves.

I am not doing Kafka any justice, he and Mrs. Dalloway survived Bombay and Northern railway .
Why do I have to go back to them again and again?

I remember the days when I couldn't read.
Rubu and Ruchi made fun of me and I cried myself to sleep swearing sweet revenge and that I'd make ma make me learn to read !
She was so young then. I mean Ma. And so so so beautiful( people have problems believing we are related.). She is still beautiful , but you can tell what we have done to her, sucked the joy and independence out of her best years and now everyone of us ready to go! Children are selfish(yes Aanchal!why don't you lay another Odgen Nash on me?)

2005-06-06T12:29:00.000+05:30

Mai bombay ja rahi hoon, isleeyeh agle aath (08) dino tak yeh blog delhi se nahin publish ho sakta .Per publish hoga zaroor, Bombay, Goa , Coorg, Khandala aur jis kisi aur jagha mai ja paaongi. Filhaal yeh dekhna hai ke bombay mujhe pasand aata hai ki nahin aur bombay ko mai!

I left bombay when I was 6. Delhi changed my life more than I could have imagined or wanted. Almost 15 yrs later I'll be back from where we started .I know somehow I'll find myself outside C-9, Kanjurmarg, at the corner where the three trees start -Red gulmohar, Yellow amaltaas and the Dark iimli . I wonder if they are still monstrous and looming , or maybe I am bigger now and they won't scare me. Maybe if we move to bombay, i'll ask ruchi to come down one weekend from pune and maybe we'll go together .Maybe we'll go after dinner some day, when it'll be really dark and as we'll try to look at whoever it is who eats at our dinning room or sleeps in the bedroom, maybe we can catch Ma and Papa returning from their night walk, and then maybe we'll be inside the house with our faces pressed to the windows looking at them come home,and although Rubu won't be there with us , but as long as we are pretending we'll pretend that he is standing behind us too.
I can't let ma know .She won't mind, this much I know . But I can't let her know. It'll be ruchi and mine to see and stare at silently and wonder what it would have been like if we had never left bombay in the first place.
Per Sandra ka bhoot toh hum dilli tak le aaye the na Ruchi !! Aab C-9 , Kanjurmarg mein shayad kutch nahin bacha hoga. Maybe i'll never tell you this plan and maybe we can spend an entire life time and never return home to the trees and Sandra!